First Name Basis

To,

The person who once was my everything.

I guess we are on a first name basis now, so I am writing my goodbye.

Goodbye to my feelings, our love story, our future, our plans, and all that OUR used to mean.
I never knew that I was so replaceable to you. I never would have fought for us if I had known you never wanted it.
I didn’t realize that I wasn’t your reason anymore.

That being your reason is the reason you needed to leave.

I didn’t know that having a wife was so exhausting for you. That I drained you to the point that you felt it was better to leave than to stay. I understand that we had shit. I know that I had to leave for those six days, but I came back. We came back together even after you screamed at me in front our daughter… I came back. I wanted to fight for her. For us.

But I’m missing the point… I care too much.

I need to care less.

I need to be where you are or else I will never be able to move on. If you called me tonight, I would run back to save her from the coming years of pain and separation.

I hope you know what this means for our future because it’s going to be fucked up now. It’s going to be messy now.

I am going to be messy now.

I wish you would have told me. I wish you wanted to go to therapy and work this out because you wanted to do life with me. I hate what you have put me through because you felt it was best for YOU.
You think this will make me happy.
You were my happy.
You were my future know matter what life looked like.

I gave you ten years of my life and you had the audacity to know you were leaving but spend all day away. Leaving me to wait at home.
You had to buy your new car and spend the day with the co-workers you spent texting all during Christmas.
You knew you were leaving and needed to feel powerful and in control, so you made me wait and walked out within 24 hrs.

You had the audacity to uproot my life for the sake of your happiness.
You had the audacity to rip her life a part because that was what was best for YOU.

Screw YOU.

I hope you find somebody to love and they love like you…
They leave for their happiness.